'너'들을 찾아서

나이를 먹어가는 것이다.
회고와 향수에 가까운, 아니 퇴행일 어떤 기억들이 떠올랐는데, 그것은 순전히 그가 셔츠 안에 스카프를 곱게 맨 그런 차림이었기 때문이다. 입들은 다문화주의적으로 착해졌다. 나는 네가 과거에 무슨 말을 했는지 알고 있다, 라는 식의 앙갚음은 무기력해졌다. 그래서 기억하지 않으려 애쓰지만, 그것은 또한 그 기억이 내게도 퍽 포근하고 안전한 순간들로 이루어져 있기 때문이다. 기억하며 행복감에 젖든 기억하지 않으려 안간힘을 쓰든, 그놈은 언제나 거기에서 나를 지배하고 있다. 세계 전체를 지배하고 있는 수상하고도 영리한 어떤 것이 있어서 소환장과 동시에 면죄부를 발행하며 그 본분을 성실하게 수행하고 있다는 말이다.

이미 잊어버린 말들을 가지고 글을 '쳐 나가는' 손가락들이 여러 번 머뭇거리는 가운데. 나는 이렇게 문장 도중에 마침표를 박아넣어버리고는, 그래도 언제나 한결같이 살고 싶다고 생각한다. 착하지 않고 나쁘게. 뻔뻔하게. 맹랑하게. 얼마 전 누군가 내게 "그것은 기회주의적인 것이었다."라고 말했다. 그렇게 냉정하게. 날마다 내 스스로 박살내고 남에 의해 박살나는 그런 삶. 너의 시, 너의 영화, 너의 글, 너의 말처럼. '너'들을 찾아 가는 길은 애초 순탄할 리 없었던 것이다.

32 volumes of

애초에 주문할 때는 열 몇 권인 줄 알았는데. 택배로 도착한 의외로 큰 상자 안에는 총 32권의 <계간 독립영화>가 들어 있었다. 독립영화 웹스토어에 재고가 남아있는 모든 <계간독립영화>를 주문했기 때문이다. 그 중에는 창간호도 포함되어 있었다. 그 32권에는 조영각 씨가 꼬꼬마이던 시절, 우정태 씨가 막 부산 독협 일을 시작했던 시절, 이송희일이 이희일이던 시절이 담겨 있었다. 먼지 묻은 저 책들이야말로 앞으로 내가 함께 해나갈 역사일 것이다. 책꽂이를 새로 더 사야겠다.


While I just presumed that they perhaps would be 10 something volumes, it turned out that I order considerable amounts. In the big box, there are 32 volumes of in total, since I ordered all the books available at the Korean Indie Film Online Shop. The first volume is even included. In those books, all the trivial but sufficient history of Korean indie film is existing, for example, the rookie interviewer Cho Young-gak, current chief executive of Seoul Independent Film Festival, newly appeared youngster Lee Hee-il, director of not presenting his name with dual family name, Lee Song Hee-ril yet etc.. Those books covered with dust will be the history being due to accompany with me for the future. I should get new book selves.

Whispering Radio

www.pianosoloradio.com




원래는 뉴에이지 음악 따위 전혀 좋아하지 않는데, 아까부터 계속 whispering radio station에 머물러 있다. 바로크 음악만 주구장창 나오는 스테이션에서 논리적이고 차분한 음악들을 듣고 있다가 바꾼 채널이 여기다. 공부할 땐 원래 바로크 음악을 듣는다. 이따금 사람들이 유난떠는 대로 모차르트를 듣기도 한다. 일탈이 없는 꽉 짜여진 구성 안에서 단어를 암기한다. 그런데 오늘은 바로크 작곡가들의 이성과 천재성을 좀 견디기 힘들다. 그저 '직장생활 5년차에 비정규직이지만 자신의 확고한 취향을 갖고 있다고 믿는 24살 여자애'처럼, 이따금 지루할 지언정 아무런 감흥도 자아내지 못하는 뉴에이지 피아노 음악을 듣는다. 오늘 그녀의 취향이 나를 구한다.

Even though I don't like New Age music at all, Whispering Radio Station is being tuned now in my room. I would be in the Baroque Music Station, listening to the logical and unequivocal sound of Baroque music. I usually listen to Baroque music when I study. Sometimes I depend on the belief that Mozart's music is good for enhance the studying ability, struggling to memorize vocabulary. However, I just felt exhausted with the virtuosity of the Baroque composers whose sense and sensibility are regarded as the divined. As if I were a 'high school graduate female temporary office worker who strongly believe her decent taste of music', I am listening to this uninspiring and even somewhat boring music. Her taste save me tonight.

Uruphong Raksasad can't speak English.

I suddenly recalled the moment that I questioned to Uruphong Raksasad in Vancouver 2006. Even though, he was with the interpreter in the GV session, I just assumed that he actually could speak English. But he couldn't. He could only give me a simple and a few words of answer. I think Uruphong Raksasad who cannot speak English more suits his films, not something like 'countrified' mood but 'similarity' of him with his objects. That's how he has become a master.

Also he has become, I guess, more fluent in speaking English now. :-)

문득 갑자기 우루퐁 락사사드에게 2006년 밴쿠버에서 말걸었을 때가 생각난다. GV 때 태국인 통역자가 함께 했었지만 나는 그냥 그가 엘리트고 영어를 당연히 하리라 생각했다. 그러나 아니었다. 그는 내 질문에 그저 간단한 대답밖에 해주지 못했다. 당시 나는 좀 실망했던 거 같다. 이미 그만큼 유명해진 다른 감독들의 코스모폴리턴한 세련됨에 견주어 그는 정말 그의 영화 속 마을에서 금방 날아온 사람같았기 때문이다. 그러나 영어 못하는 우루퐁 락사사드가 그의 영화에 더 잘 어울린다고, 문득 생각해본다. 촌스럽다는 측면에서가 아니라, 대상과의 유대, 대상과의 유사성, 대상과의 (어떤 투명한) 관계에 있어서 말이다. 그렇게 그는 거장이 됐다.

물론 지금 그는 영어를 퍽 잘 할 거다. ㅋ

There are no adults in Haiti now.

I was just about to fell off from the running machine. I just disinterestly staring at the TV installed to the running machine tuned to, for my English listening practice, CNN. I just closed my eyes unintentionally, partly because of the horrible situation there. Mainly, however, I just couldn't bear the way the CNN was dealing with the disaster. I said to my self "Oh my god" and just wanted to escape from that how journalism of developed countries, probably including Korea, were tempting to shoot 'something' mist of the hell, where they don't belong to, Haiti.


Haiti's disasters were filling the screen and heroic journalists from the US were depicting what is going on there. Everything seemed so terrible, as you can tell. The only thing that was NOT miserabe were the CNN journalists. The anchor was weary of if her reporters were ok in Haiti where after quakes are still in effect, but the reports looked 'relatively' clean, for sure, and civilized in the land of, even befor the earthquake, poverty and history of slavery. And they WERE hero. It was , I recall, that showed the scene of rescuing a child from the piles of concretes, followed by active camara crews, driven by male CNN reporter. The anchor was proudly delivering the story with the typical confident tone of American news caster, saying "You will not see anything like this except CNN's ." In the other story, the reporter were showing where lost of Haitian were in long line to get on the free rescue ferry in worn-out boats in the ocean. He was interviewing the owner of the ferry, who was white and supposed to be warm-hearted world citizen, letting the refugees behind as a backgroun, symbolizing how hellish Haiti now was. CNN reporters are humaine, while Haitians are not; Haitians were merely rushing and struggling only to survive unlike civilized humain beings.

Even though Haitian children have lost their lives and they are in needs the most desperately, there were no adults amonog Haitians. They are all vunerable kids for the outer world, for the camera-carrying developed countries.

New 'to-do list' - matter of Space in Korean indie cinema now

(샘터분식(Samteo Snack Bar) dir. Tae Jun-sik, 2009)

In Korean Indie Film realm, 'Space' has become an important issue lately and they require some tool to analyze what these films are participating on the discourse. Because usually it has been told how desperate and miserable for the residents of the rural area are, aside from the politics of the way of representation. That is mainly focusing on societal exclusion. However, at this time in Korea, when a dream of Construction State promoted by the government is whaling over the country, some other points also should be suggested. It could be modernity as a historical factor and labor as a (personal) lifetime history narrative.

One of my friend sent me a list of 'things fo read' to research the matter in a basis of sociology. Truly wonderful. We're going to have something like a seminar with this. Supposedly, more 'outraged' documentaries will come out this spring's "Indie Documentary Film Festival". This research should be totally helpful.

I should wrap up the other issue on 'working poor twenties in Korean indie films' as soon as possible(pretty doubtful, though...).

Lovers(2009) - Kim Do-yeon

http://siff.or.kr/eng/program/short_view.html?mov_idx=796&gubun=2

Today's a new years day and I have no idea why this film hit my head. I'm right here in my chill room alone, just surfing the internet without any purpose. I think I happened to consider 'what was the no.1 film for me in 2009?' or sort of things. I took '2009 Seoul Independent Film Festival catalog' away and flipped it, not looking through any of the pages. And this film just came from my brain. Perhaps it's because this film is about desire, so to speak, the fate or the destiny of desire.

This film is about (hopeless) old gay man. But this film expands the subject to 'how much we should be desperate to get what we desire' and 'how uncertain and hostile the object of desire always is'. And it's not just about the homosexual. His boyfriend, Ho Yeong also had a 'girl friend', which the protagonist didn't know(he would have known but ignored it). After Ho Yeong disappeared without a notice, these two, the girl and the protagonist, got confused and happened to share the same feeling.

This film's Korean title has a different meaning from the English translated one. It means 'Love Story'. It's like "Let me tell you my love story." It sounds so 'trivial' that it doesn't suitable to cover this 'shocking'(for some Korean audience) story. But that's the way it is. That's the way every 'Love Story' is supposed to be;Truly sincere for somebody but not for the others, and totally heartbreaking at some time but for nothing afterwards.

The atmosphere of this film is elegant and worth to see. Invited to Clermont-Ferrand Shorts Festival.